I picked up "Adopting After Infertility" on a recommendation from a few people who have adopted. I thought it might help me become more comfortable with adoption. On the contrary, I have been syrprised and it is helping me work through the decision-making of trying to conceive. The first third of the book is actually devoted to making these sorts of decisions and how much treatment to pursue and it has been remarkably helpful for me to more concretely balance all of the factors- potential loss of bio kids and/or pregnancy; importance of parenting; cost- mental, physical and financial.
As I go through the book, I am going to have quite a bit to post about. The first concept that has me pondering is that a fertile partner can "render" herself or himself infertile as a result of a partner's infertility. Although the diagnosis in our case is exclusively male factor, I have always thought of "us" as infertile. In medical reality though, DH is infertile and I have chosen to be infertile as a result of my commitment to having children with DH as my "reproductive partner" (as the book terms it).
More to come on decision making and grieving loss.
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4 comments:
I think this is an interesting topic. I was dx with PCOS b/c of my little ER expedition. It wasn't until several months later that DH got his S/A. When I found out he had low morph I was soooo relieved. Isn't that crazy? I mean these problems build geometrically and why would any sane person want more problems? Because it took the "infertility" tag off of ME and put it on US! That was the day I stopped feeling guilty about my reproductive issues!
I think I have to get that book! I remember when we first were TTC I thought it had to be me -- because I had a step-son -- and clearly G. had conceived before -- and then to come to find out that there are issues on both sides...it was an interesting mental shift.
I'll be curious to hear more about the book!
Pam
That sounds like a great book! Thanks for bringing it up and I'm looking forward to hearing more about it.
I JUST got that book from another couple that adopted. We will be having a Blog Book Club, of sorts!
I hope that the book is helpful to both of us as we work our way through these big decisions.
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