I was going through some filing and came across a card with a bookmark that a friend had sent me a few months back (I am a terrible filer). The bookmark has the following quote by Maya Angelou:
I can be changed by what happens to me. I refuse to be reduced by it.
So, it got me to thinking how infertility has changed me and whether I am allowing it to reduce me.
How have I changed? Physically- I have gained weight because I put weight loss on the back burner thinking I would be pregnant and could just lose it with the baby weight; I have comforted myself through the disappointment that is ttc with food which has led to even more weight gain; the stress of getting myself up in time and to the myriad of appointments has made me feel like I am running on empty.
Emotionally-I have become one of "those" women (you know, the ones you never thought you'd be, who can only think about having a baby); I feel mired in the infertility merry-go-round every day; thoughts of how to resolve the lack of a baby consume most of my thoughts; I never know when I am going to be sad at the thought of not having a baby- it strikes me at the least convenient moments.
And spiritually-this is the most difficult struggle I have gone through in doubting my faith and God's love and plan for my life.
What I am still pondering is if or how I have been reduced by infertility. That is a post come.
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2 comments:
I feel exactly as you do. I have changed a lot since ttc. I've let infertility steal my joy. And I am tired of it.
(((HUGS))) I hope this cycle is very fruitful for you!
Really interesting quote and post. I usually think about all of the stressors IF adds to my life, but it has certainly taken quite a bit as well. I'll be thinking about this for awhile
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