It Brought Tears to My Eyes

Not the heartbeat pumping away nicely at 162. Not the perfectly normal NT scan measure. Not the bouncing baby that wouldn't stay still enough to get measured. Not even the little wave he or she threw out to us.

What brought tears to my eyes today was my mother-in-law's offer to buy me maternity clothes. I was giving her the update on my appointment this morning when she said she knew I would need some maternity clothes at some point and she wanted to get me some because she never got to have that experience herself.

I am so blessed.

Back home

I am home as of yeterday. Still hurting more than I thought I would be. I guess I didn't think much abt that part. At 1:00 am aturday morning, they sent someone over with the crummiest doppler ever, but were finally able to register movement and h/b for the baby- 154. I had the most wonderful nursing staff, esp my night nurse who had been thru ivf three time before having her twins. I will have a post about her in the future. In the mean time, thank you all for your thoughts and prayers for me and baby.

A perfect day

Yesterday, I left the office early and met my husband for lunch. And not just an ordinary lunch. I picked up some food and met him downtown where the orchestra was giving a free outdoor concert. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, the sun was shining brightly, and a breeze reminded us that it's not quite summer yet. But sitting in the sun was warm enough for my floral skirt and the music was lovely, especially the piece from Carmen. And for that brief blip of time, all was right with the world. The music provided an aura of swelling beauty, complemented by the warming sun, as I held hands with the person I love most in the world and felt secure (for once) about this little being that God has granted us. I was happy to my core and so very grateful.


I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I will always have this one perfect day.

Still Alive

After a weekend of working around the clock (literally 8 am Saturday to 8 am Sunday and then back at 1 pm Sunday until midnight), I am trying to readjust to the light of day again. I go in this afternoon to meet with the surgeon and review the plan for Friday's surgery. I will be kept overnight and may be out of it for several days, so an updat emay be a while in coming.


I just wanted to thank you all so very much for your kind words and thoughts and prayers. I am doing my best to trust that this little miracle baby wants to stick around.

So Afraid

I heard back from the surgeon who talked with my OB and reviewed my ER records. She thinks I need to have the surgery now. In fact, she said if I was having an attack today, she would do the surgery today. At this point, the surgery is scheduled for next Friday. I am so very afraid. I so don't want to lose this baby. I was really hoping to get to the second trimester. Apparently, the surgeon and OB think the risk of pancreatitis with waiting is too great. I am just a mess. I ca't stop crying despite being at work.

The First OB visit

Because Rachel asked, I just wanted to give a little more detailed run-down of my visit. It started off with a fairly clueless nurse who did not know what to do with the papers from the RE. Then, she told me to take my clothes off and that the doctor would do a pap and pelvic. When I told her that I didn't want a pap today, she basically just said that the doctor would have to decide. Um, no. I am the patient, I will decide.

Anyhow, the doctor came in and he went through my history and then spent quite a while just answering our questions (mostly about the risks and benefits of the gall bladder removal while pregnant). He discussed the different testing options- NT scan, quad screen, cvs, amnio. Then, I explained to him that I didn't want a pap because I usually spot after a pap and I didn't need the anxiety today, especially since my last three have been normal. He agreed that I was fine to go without and also informed me that usually they like to do then merely because it's the only time they get women in, so it's an attempt to take advantage of the opportunity. He did a pelvic to check that my cervix was appropriately closed. I really appreciated all of the time he took and like him a lot. He didn't talk down to us, realizing that we aren't exactly the typical couple who just ends up pregnant. Unfortunately, he is just filling in for my regular OB, who is on maternity leave. But I already know that I like her.

Afterward, I was sent to the lab for blood testing- HIV, typing, vaccine titers, etc.- and radiology to schedule the NT scan. All in all, a pretty routine vist.

Good news!

The ultrasound this morning went fabulously. Even got to see the little critter moving its arms and legs. He or she is still measuring a day ahead and the heart rate was 176.

Quick update

After working 96 hours from Monday to Saturday, I was slated to go back into work last night at 6 p.m. Unfortunately, I was instead in the ER until almost 3 this morning with a pretty severe gall bladder attack. I had to wait three hours in the waiting room, puking in pain. Such fun. After some iv drugs and fluids, I was finally allowed to go home. My gall bladder must come out. We are hoping that I can hold off four more weeks until the second trimester is underway.

I went for my first official OB visit this morning. Fairly underwhelming. But on a positive note, in order to have an NT scan, I need a dating u/s, so that is scheduled for tomorrow morning.

Keeping Up

I am keeping up with my fellow bloggers (although not commenting as much as I would like- why do they have to have that comment month this month?), but my onwn blogging is, and will continue to be, light. I am spending way to much time at work and probably will continue to do so for the next two weeks. Nothing terribly exciting occuring with me anyway. I have my surgical consult this afternoon and first OB appt next Monday.

ETA- I am so mad b/c they had to cancel my appt with the surgeon who has an emergency surgery. I had to make special arrangements to be able to leave today and now I have to try to do that again on Thursday. This was after they already re-scheduled it for a different time today. I have just about had it with this clinic and I am really disappointed at how this whole obstetrical experience is going.

Is it Just Me?

That hates inaccuracy in fiction? I was watching Brothers and Sisters last night and there is an ivf story line. Of course, the classic mistake was made- referring to implanting embryos rather than transferring. (As an aside- I do have to say that I did appreciate the realism that the cycle didn't work- it drives me nuts how ivf is always portrayed as a quick and easy fix.) I felt compelled to correct the television. Yes, I "talk to" the tv.

DH wanted to know why I "always" have to that- whether it is infertility or legal shows (don't even get me started about how I object during courtroom scenes). Because it should be right, I responded.

I don't know why it matters to me, but it does.