And so it begins

I had my first trip to the hospital last night. I was rather glad that we had gotten the tour during the birth class so I didn't feel so clueless.

In addition to feeling crummy all day, about 4:00 I started having cramping (not contractions, just menstrualish cramps) that seem to increase in severity. I finally called the OB at 9 and she had me go in because I "might not know what a contraction feels like." There was no evidence of the suspected UTI, my cervix was extremely closed (thought I was going to come unglued when she did the internal exam for that), I did have a contraction or two, but not much. Baby was monitoring fine, so all was good and I got to go home. The OB did order me to stay home today after my NST this morning.

Baby was not nearly as cooperative at the NST this morning so I was there for over an hour, serenaded for more than twenty minutes of that time by a banshee child who ended up locking herself in the bathroom in an effort not to get the flu shot. Seriously.

Scary news

Ahuva Batya from the anguished corn with whom I just attended birth class is in the hospital with a placental abruption and preparing to give birth to her little one. Please send prayers and thoughts for her, her husband, and little boy as they prepare to bring him into this world very soon.

Yes, I am still wearing heels!

The nurse at the OB's commented with surprise that I was "still wearing heels" given how pregnant I am. No, I wasn't wearing my python Jimmy Choos slides or anything here, just a pair of chunky-ish pumps with little buckles on the top. I got a similar comment on church when wearing some peep-toed Carlos Santanas. I intend to continue to wear shoes with a heel until I no longer own a pair (or can't find one to buy) that I can shove my sausage feet into. I'm pregnant, not dead.

Anyhow, the appointments this morning revealed that at last week's ultrasound, baby was 4 pounds, 15 ounces, thus the 77th percentile. The OB also confirmed that she efinitely will induce or perform a c-section as appropriate December 2 if I haven't gone into labor before then. At my NST, I actually had a contraction over the 40 minutes I was hooked up. But just the one and I didn't even feel it. I wouldn't have known if I hadn't seen it on the monitor. Baby was a cooperative little squirmer.

So, 41 days and counting. Perhaps, I should pack some strappy sandals in my hospital bag for labor?

Pouting

I know it's petty, but my feelings are hurt. It seems that despite my hopes to the contrary, my coworkers are going to combine mine and coworker's shower in November because the woman who usually organizes sent out an email asking if we would both be on a specific day. I will be having my baby a full two months before hers and really feel resentful that I have to "share."

We have had two baby showers in the last year or so- one for the baby of a coworker who conceived after we started trying and one for the coworker who was successful her first month of trying. I have had to sit through both of those showers and make nice despite our infertility struggle. And now it is supposed to be "my turn" and I have to share with a woman who was successful (at 40) in getting pregnant after less than six months. A woman whose pregnancy has similarly been a breeze instead of filled with worry, a surgery, and gestational diabetes. I would rather they just not have one at all.

And to top it off, its not as if I will be able to eat anything at this shower, not even cake. And she will.

So, yes, I sound like a spoiled toddler, but it's not fair.

NIAW

Today begins National Infertility Awareness Week. According to the Resolve website, 7.3 million Americans are affected by infertility. The infertile are many, but often quiet. Find one small way this week to raise awareness and check out Resolve's ideas on ways to get involved.

Chillaxing Baby

I had my first nonstress test (NST, for those in the know) yesterday and have another tomorrow afternoon. It was a mind-numbingly boring hour, surrounded by magazines more than six months old, where my uterus didn't show even the tiniest hint of contracting and the nurse had to re-start with monitoring the baby's movements because the little bugger decided to retreat to the other side. Before tomorrow's ultrasound and NST, I meet with the endocrinologist, whom I assume will up my dose of insulin as my fasting numbers are still not settling down.

P.S.- I am working on a post about birth class, but think I may save it for the big cross-pollination since I am having trouble coming up with anything of interest about which to write.

Loss

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. I have not personally lost a baby, but know many who have. So, today, for my friend A., for my mother (who lost 6 babies), and to all those who don't get to hold all of their babies in their arms, know that I weep with you.

And my prayer for each of you is from John 16:20-22:

I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.

The world of high risk

Now, that I am on insulin, I have officially been termed "high risk." Along with that comes lots of appointments. Thirty-two between now and the end of November, as a matter of fact. It took the scheduler and I over a half hour to get them all scheduled. I am to have a growth ultrasound newt week and then again at 36 weeks. And I am scheduled for twice weekly nonstress tests and once weekly ultrasound checks of amniotic fluid. And that does not even include visits to the diabetes clinic and the endocrinologist. It should be interesting trying to squeak out my forty hours of work a week somehow.

The OB and I discussed induction v. c-section in the event that I don't go into labor myself by Dec. 2. She is leaning toward induction because she is concerned about the greater risk of complications to a wound with the diabetes diagnosis. My preference of the two remains a c-section because the last thing I would want is a failed induction. We will have to see how big baby is looking and in what position.

Small world

Look whom I met at birth class today. As lovely in person as online.

Time to shoot up

with my itsy-bitsy little insulin needle. Hoping this does the trick for my fasting levels.

I go to the OB tomorrow and I am curious as to how much I can nail her down about. Planning to use my very pointed, former prosecutor interrogation voice. Hee.

A date with the endo

is set for Thursday afternoon. The fasting numbers are just too high and creeping higher.

What was humorous to me is that the nurse on the phone was trying to reassure me about the insulin injections and how they aren't that bad and I was just questioning are they sub-q or IM and where did they need to be injected and reassuring HER that I would be just fine. What she described seemed laughable compared to an injectables cycle and certainly much less than an ivf round.

I have my regular OB appointment on Friday, so will have to consult with her about what my schedules are going to look like now. Pretty sure she will have me in for NSTs twice a week as that is what she mentioned. And we may be looking at Thanksgiving baby (which is 38 weeks for me).

Moment of truth

I called in my glucose readings for the last week to the pregnancy and diabetes clinic. All of my post-meal readings are within range, but all but one of my fasting numbers are too high. I am just waiting for the call back now. I just know it's going to mean an appointment with the endicronologist and insulin for me.

The handwriting on the wall

according to the dietician with 25 years of experience is that I am headed toward insulin.

I was told I am doing everything right with my food (patting self on the back) and my post-meal numbers are good. The ketones that appeared are likely attributable to not eating enough and a lot of activity this weekend. I did lose almost a pound in a week so more food for me.

Unfortunately, my fasting glucose numbers are just not getting under control. The fasting numbers are ones that usually can't be controlled with food and show what my body is really doing. There is nothing more I can do to impact the numbers. So, the plan in the mean time, is to with my food plan and home monitoring for one more week and then I call in my numbers. If they are better controlled then I get to go another week. If not, then I have to see the endocrinologist on Wednesday or Thursday and likely will be placed on insulin.

In addition to the added risks and effects of the insulin, this means that I will be delivering at no later than 39 weeks, have to go to the OB twice a week in addition to the endocrinologist once a week, and baby will likely be sent to NICU initially.