My in-laws are truly the best parents I have ever met. Not that they are perfect people, but there is no doubt in my husband's mind about how much he is unconditionally loved. He has no hang-ups whatsoever that can be attributed to how his parents raised him. My husband would not hesitate to call his parents if he needed something, financial or otherwise. And there is no doubt that they would lend whatever support they could and give all that they have. They are a constant. And this is how I define perfect parenting.
Meeting this family and coming to be a part of it has been a revelation for me. I had never encountered a family without dysfunction. I come from the generation of broken families and therapy. My own family is chaotic and critical. They love me, in their own way and on their own terms. I am the one who can be counted on to come through in a time of crisis. My mother isn't much on comfort because she is always going through something that is "much worse." My father is all about taking credit for my accomplishments despite his perpetual absence throughout my growing up. They aren't all bad and they try, but far from perfect parents. Our infertility journey has not been something in which they have been willing to participate, other than to make veiled negative comments about adoption and say that I have to make my own decisions.
The reason I took my husband's surname was not just because I wanted to be connected with him, but rather, that I wanted to be grafted into this entire family. From the moment I walked back in the door after my husband proposed to me, I have been a part of that family and I have been genuinely loved. My father-in-law opened his arms and said "Welcome to the family!" and told me how glad he was to have another daughter. And that is always how I have been treated.
Both of DH's parents love me because I love and take care of their precious son. I have been adopted into this family as well. Their ability to love and perfectly parent two nonbiological children, and now me, is a testament to why biology doesn't make a good parent. They are how I know that adoption can work. I hope that DH and I can be even half the parents they are.
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2 comments:
I got goosebumps when you talked about your husband's family -- that's such a great gift.
Pam
My DH is not adopted but I feel similarly none-the-less. My family is broken and dysfunctional to say the least. His is loving and accepting. I was delighted to be able to be a part of that family. Aren't we lucky to have such wonderful ILs?
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