DH and I had "the conversation" again. We have got to get off the merry-go-round of talking about it, I know, because I am driving him nuts. Essentially, we discuss what I have termed "the trilemma" of where to go from here if the IUIs don't work. As DH regularly reminds me, we have three choices- remain childless; do ivf; or adopt. His preference is for adoption, but he is willing to let me decide.
Remaining childless is not an option for me, so I wish he would stop even bringing it up. I can't seem to properly explain to him how conflicted I am about the other two choices. I go over the pros and cons of both in my head constantly. The biggest benefit of ivf is the possibility of biological children. But I am having a hard time getting past the expense (especially with no guarantee of success) and some of the moral issues I have with freezing embryos. As far as adoption, the benefit is that a baby is guaranteed at the end of the process. But the process itself is so long and stressful, I am really struggling with the open adoption concept, and I am so deeply saddened at the idea of the loss of all those expectations and dreams associated with biological children.
I want another choice. But there isn't one.
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5 comments:
Oh how I wish there were other :easier: options...Im sorry you are on the conversation roller coaster too--I know all too well how that feels.
((hugs))
Sorry you guys keeping having that same conversation...at least you're talking about it.
And I agree, the options suck!
You both are on the same track as G and I are! -- I'm more open to adoption than he -- oh, it's just such an emotional conversation.
I've gone to the Children's Home Society -- www.chsfs.org -- meetings. I'd be happy to share with you what I know as your conversation continues -- or just commiserate on the difficulty of these choices.
Pam
I am kind of in the same place, with the little flip that I am more ready for adoption than my husband. And now that I posted tonight, I actually don't even know if I am ready. I hate what the "trilemma" is doing to my thinking. I wish you peace as you make some important decisions.
I have a vaguely similar dilemma with my DH. We have had this conversation over. And over. And over again. He really, truly believes that we will one day have bio kids. He likewise believes that there is nothing wrong with either of us (even though at his good S/A he had low morph, I've been diagnosed with PCOS, and a possible blocked tube and we've been TTC for almost 2 years). As such, his philosophy is that I should just stop worrying about it and when it happens, it happens. He is more than willing to go along with whatever fertility treatments my heart desires (including IVF). But he doesn't really believe they are necessary. As such, he doesn't in any way, shape or form, identify with the sorrow I have for each failed cycle. In his eyes, it will happen when it happens, so what's the rush? I wish I had his simplistic and optimistic view of things!
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