The authors' first point is another I want to add to my list of mantras- "You Made a Choice To Start, You Make a Choice to Stop." For me, there is no "stopping" until we become parents- whether that is through ART or adoption or some miracle. But we also have a stopping point for treatment. We have committed to a shared risk agreement of three fresh cycles- and that's it. For me, that is giving ivf the best possible chance of statistically happening and then we need to move on.
The authors also look at the many spiritual aspects that arise as a result of this journey- feeling abandoned by God; feeling guilty; feeling as if one is playing God. I can relate to the feeling of being abandoned by God during this process and askign, "Why?" I don't feel that treatment equates with playing God, however. No ART treatment is 100%, there is still very much a divine hand in its success or failure.
Another question posed by the authors is whether someone is selfish for seeking treatment rather than adopting. Those niggling questions that an infertile asks herself"Am I wrong for wanting my own? There are lots of babies who need homes so why aren't you adopting?" The authors address this issue so well:
If you want to keep on with treatment, by all means do. Adoption is a wonderful choice, but to adopt and deny yourself medical treatment out of guilt is not constructive for yourself or the baby you are adopting. If and when you choose to adopt, do so because you want to, not because you think you should.
I want to be able to remind myself if the time comes that ivf is not successful that I need, as the authors suggest, to honor our decision to stop. That it is a loss and it is not easy, but it will be time to get off the treatment treadmill.
Read some other great thoughts on this chapter at fertility Challenged in Florida.
3 comments:
Very good points. It is hard to pick a point to say "we're finished."
Great comments. We're very much on the same page with this one.
This is a such a difficult question. You make some great points here. It's tempting sometimes to use other people as a measuring stick, but you have to do what's right for you and your own situation.
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