I received a call from a friend (we'll call her "U") today to wish us a Happy Easter. U is the one who was married in September 2006 (months after we started trying) and was pregnant immediately despite trying to avoid. Her little boy will be one in about six weeks. She knew that we had started trying in summer of 2006, but I haven't really talked with her about it because I just didn't need to hear her fertile response. She has never once asked how things were going (and we are getting close to two years now).
Today has been a particularly difficult reminder of our infertility. In addition to the ridiculous snow storm that made for a white Easter and eliminated any hope of wearing cute open-toed shoes (the one and only thing I was looking forward to today), church was the usual struggle of wall to wall families with small children and pregnant women spilling out all the pews. The, to add to my dismay over another childless holiday, U asks out of the blue, whether we were trying again to get pregnant. I asked her in response what she meant. She said that she figured we had stopped trying because of my work and wondered if we were going to or had started up again. I told her that we had not stopped trying and it was getting close to two years of that now. There was an interminably llllllooooonnnngggg pause. I refused to fill the awkward silence.
She said, "Oh, I didn't know." I replied, "Well, you never asked." Then, U begins to give me "advice" and asks have we considered "testing." I just cut her off and said we completed "testing" about a year ago and were looking at ivf this summer. Another silence. I could feel the pity emanating through the phone line. And then, she abruptly made an excuse to get off the phone, sending Easter wishes to DH.
I don't mind talking about our infertility, if asked. But damn, I can do without the pity.
Anyone want to put bets on her being pregnant with number 2?
9 comments:
I am totally with you on being unwilling to fill the akward silence. If they ask they should be prepared for the answer.
I wouldn't be surprised if your guess is correct. *sigh*
I hate the silence. I hate the silence even more than about 99% of the stupid crap people say.
When I express that, people say "well, I don't know what to say." I always say "Then say THAT."
I always felt like I was contagious or something when people shut up and ran away. "Oh god, she's infertile.. quick.. away.. away!"
Argh!
I hate that silence as well, but I'm getting to the point where a part of me is pleased that I've made them almost as uncomfortable as they made me. I can't believe after all of that, she proceeded to give you assvice. Ugh!
Hmmm...I bet 60% odds.
You should have smacked your hand into your head and said "Testing! Why didn't anyone tell us about that until now?!?!"
Funny, same thing happened to us yesterday. A family member assumed we had stopped trying. It's only been 10 months for us and they made that assumption. I was bracing myself for assvice, but thankful they kept it to themselves. I think you handled it beautifully!
Awwww ugh. I agree with Malloryn though. ;-)
You WOULD look very cute in your open-toed shoes. Maybe soon?
Props to you for not letting her off easy.
People say and do some realy dumb stuff. I'm sorry for the tactless questions,
J
If she is pregnant soon with number 2, can we all take turns holding her down and pummeling her?
I'm just asking... ;)
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