DH had an "a-ha" moment yesterday when we were leaving church. Mind you, church is getting harder and harder for me lately with all of the kids and the handful of preggos. Anyhow, yesterday we had a guest pastor who was shaking our hands as we walked out and DH introduced us and the pastor commented on the alliterative nature of our first names. (btw- I find this royally annoying on its own)
Then, the pastor asked if we had kids. There was an awkward pause and I just looked away. DH finally answered, rather quietly, "No." Then, the pastor went on to prattle about whether we were going to continue with the alliterative naming thing when we do have children. I just said no and hustled out of there. Mind you, I am PMSing big-time. Under the circumstances, it's a wonder I didn't burst into a deluge of tears as the night before watching Becoming Jane was enough to have me blubbering.
DH and I had a conversation about it on the way home and he told me that no one had really asked him that question before since our journey down the infertility road. I told him I get it fairly regularly. And he told me how sad the question had made him and said, "I think I finally had a glimpse of feeling what you feel all the time."
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9 comments:
what a really crappy moment(that will last alot longer than the amount of time it takes to ask and answer that question). I am sorry for the both of you!
That stinks. I hate that question. Let me point out that I have never in my life asked anyone that, even before this whole thing started. I also hate the "when are you going to have kids" question because that is even harder to answer. I got that one twice in an hour on Friday.
Wow! That's profound for DH and you huh? I think that's just one more roadblock to the husband and wife understanding one another in all this. The woman is generally treated to more of the nosiness about reproduction and also it seems as if she is more "blamed" if it's not happening. So no wonder we have more of the stress at times! Great post.
hugs.
p.s. Glad you're not into the alliteration. haha.
I have a hard time at church too. I go to the same church I grew up in and it is hard seeing friends I grew up with running around with kids and pregnant stomachs...I am so sorry you had to experience that. But it is good that your husband got a glimpse of your daily life.
I hate that question. I never ask people that because you're assuming a LOT of things when you do. I think if you don't know someone well enough to be aware of the presence of children in their life, then you don't have any business asking at all.
Sorry you had to experience that at church. Bleh.
Mook had the same feeling when one of HIS friends announced he was going to be a dad...it hit him so different than when I just tell him one of my girlfriends is pregnant.
Its a tough moment to watch your husband go through, but it's nice when they reaaaaally get it.
I have to admit that I used to ask that question before IF. It just seemed like one of those benign questions along the lines of "What do you do for a living?". Oh, how I've learned! I'm sorry you and DH were in that position but glad it brought some understanding on his part. Understanding is always good.
As crappy as that moment was, I'm glad your hubby gleaned some understanding of your perspective.
I'm sorry he felt sad but GLAD that he understands you better.
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