Beth Kohl's Embryo Culture: Making Babies in the Twenty-First Centurywasn't quite what I thought it was going to be. From the title, I was expecting more of an overall look at what the book jacket describes as "oh-so-up-close-and personal tour of fertilization in America." Turns out that the book is much more about her personal journey. The author does intersperse some more "global" infertility issues and facts with her own personal infertility treatment experience. Overall, it was an interesting read that I wish more fertiles would pick up to understand the process. In fact, I am going to try to get DH to read it before our ivf cycle this summer just so that he has a better understanding of the process from a non-clinical level.
Anyhow, on to the questions for our book discussion:
In Chapter 5 ("Professionals"), Beth writes about her clinic experiences. I got a chuckle out of her observation that "my early-morning posse and I seemed to be codelinquents doing time in juvie hall," as well as her description of George, the (male!) u/s tech. How was/is your clinic experience similar to or different than Beth's? Did you meet/Have you met any particularly memorable people (either fellow patients or clinic staff)?
From many of the blogs I have read or the discussion I have with other infertile women, I realize that this Big Clinic experience is definitely the norm. The clinic I (what is the right word here- frequent, attend, visit- these all seem inadequate) go to is actually a smaller satellite office of a larger clinic. All of the nurses are nurse practitioners. From what I have gleaned from others, I am so glad I chose the smaller office. I truly do not feel like I am only a number. For both of my IUI cycles, the nurse who did the insems was so caring and understanding about my disappointment over the abysmal count numbers.
Many bits of the book hit hard for me, but none more so than what may have been intended as just something that happened in passing. On page 95 of the version I have (second page of Chapter 6- Aspiration) – they're on their way to the clinic for egg retrieval. Gary and Beth are getting into an argument, courtesy of early morning, hormones, fears, a whole blend of it all. Gary calls Beth "a bitch". Beth then says: "He clenches the steering wheel, steeling himself for the fight he assumes will follow calling me this second-most-prohibited of names. I remain silent, reassessing whether I really want to have kids with this name-calling douchebag." Did you/have you/can you foresee getting into such a minor situation with your partner and immediately jumping to the same conclusions as Beth, that maybe where you are isn't where you should be?
I don't know if it's the added hormones (well, yes, I do know that doesn't help by any means) but without fail on the days of my IUI, DH and I get into the worst arguments over infertility and just about anything else. It all gets dragged out of the closet and the end is the same- DH beyond frustrated and me in tears. And it usually results in the discussion of why are we doing this and maybe we shouldn't be and maybe we shouldn't be parents because we aren't fill in in the blank (patient, caring, worthy, et cetera) enough.
The author researched different religious views on ART while she was in the decision process. How did you make your decision to pursue ART, adoption, childfree living etc? Did your religious views play a big part in that decision?
Our religious views have really dictated our path. Both DH and I have prayed and sought guidance as to what is the "right" thing for us to do. Not that we considered any particular choice of technology "wrong," but we have try to seek an answer to what would God have US do. I have read several books on the Christian perspectives of infertility and treatment, as well as research into particular positions of specific Christian organizations and individuals with whose theology I agree. I have also looked at different religions' views of infertility and treatment as a way to better examine all of the ethical aspects.
We both strongly believe that life begins when sperm and egg meet. We had initially rejected the idea of ivf (and I am still struggling with this issue). DH was (apparently) worried that about the abundant creation of frozen embryos and he feels it would be morally wrong for us to "abandon" them. Upon learning that only about 25% of ivf cycles even result in frozen embryos and that those usually result in only enough embryos for one frozen transfer, DH felt that we could morally explore this as an option. I am still struggling with the idea of whether freezing embryos, knowing that only half survive the thaw, is really giving one's potential children their best chance of life.
Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/. You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: The Mistress's Daughter by A.M. Homes (with author participation!).
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
12 comments:
I think this is my favorite of your reviews so far. :)
Thanks for adding your perspective. I especially appreciated your comments on your relationships with your dh,and your religious views.
Just wanted to say that I enjoyed reading your answers. I found your comments on how faith played into your treatment decisions interesting - I think that's an issue that we IF bloggers really haven't explored a lot.
Good comments. So I'm not the only one having horrible fights with DH on critical IF days. : P
I wish I had discovered this book a while back. I picked it up yesterday and plan to read soon. Loved reading your perspective, as usual. :)
I really respect your well-considered approach to the religious and ethical questions of IVF. Thanks for giving that little window into how you're wrestling with faith.
Hi. Beth (Kohl) here. Yesterday, I received a call from a neighbor who is reading the book. She grew up Catholic but left the Church for a local Presbyterian congregation that rents space at a larger church in our town, a congregation she called a "small bible church.". In any case, she is incredibly fluent in Christian theology, but found herself stumped when it came to IVF, and bothered by my experience, albeit brief, with the woman in the Archdiocese of Chicago's Respect Life office. She suggested we (she and I) both read C.S. Lewis for answers, stating that sometimes specific doctrines (e.g. the Donum Vitae, the Catholic Church's "Instruction on Respect for Human Life in Its Origin and on the Dignity of Procreation") marginalize particular issues or people. I think this might be true (how is that for double-talk?). I think that it might be useful to examine theological thought as opposed to religious law to best understand one's relationship to God or religion, particularly when going through something that, quite frankly, Moses or one of his homeys most likely couldn't have anticipated. In any case, I appreciate your thoughts and perspective. Thank you!
Thanks for your honest answers. I always am interested in how people reconcile their religious beliefs with their IF journey.
I must say that I was sorely disappointed when our cycle results in no frozen embryos. I was worried about the cycle not working, and then having to pay full price again. But when we were successful with twins, I was glad to not have to wrestle with what to do with frozen embryos. It's definitely something you and DH have to be sure about before you start.
Good luck with whatever you do decide.
The questions don't have clear-cut answers--which makes it all the more difficult and gut-wrenching. Sending a lot of peace of heart with that.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us!
Really appreciate your thoughts on the religious aspect of IVF and frozen embryos, and for all of your responses.
Luckily, I have no religious beliefs to affect my decisions. Which, combined with the fact that because of our severe male factor we were told our only good shot was IVF, made things much easier on me/us. I just wanted babies, and whatever we have to do to get them is what we have to do.
It still sucks though...
Post a Comment