This final chapter of Unsung Lullabies was a struggle for me to read several weeks back. I never thought that by the time I got through the end of the book, we would be a step closer to parenthood. The authors make the point that having a baby in your arms soothes many of infertility's wounds. And I can understand that. But I am still viewing the pregnancy experience through the lens of infertility.
The authors accurately describe the sense of impending doom that women who are pregnant after infertility experience. "After so much going wrong, it's hard to believe things could possibly go right." Yes, thank you for putting my feelings into words.
The chapter also deals with the guilt and difficulty that new parenting brings and how that is exascerbated by the length of time that one struggled to get to the goal of parenthood. The infertile parent may feel ashamed that parenting is harder than expected because of the great lengths one has gone through to have a baby.
My favorite section of this chapter was what do you tell your child. It appears that I won't have to explain ivf or adoption to this child about his or her conception. But I guaranteed you this child will know about infertility and that having a baby isn't always easy. He or she will also learn how much we longed for his or her presence and what a miracle we were given.
Check out some more thoughts on this final chapter at Fertility Challenged in Florida.
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6 comments:
Oh i think i should have read tat chapter. I am having those pregnancy after if feelings - i often wonder how that will make a difference in months to come
Sounds like something I should read too.
I never thought it would be this hard to transition from being infertile to being pregnant. And it's super hard to feel confident in the pregnancy - like most "normal" people do.
You'll have to let me know if it changes a little after the first u/s.
Very good point, about believing things could go right. I have that feeling every day.
I just found your blog and I read your good news! Congrats on the pregnancy! I wish you a happy and healthy 9 months and beyond. :)
I know I have quite some time before I have to really deal with this, but I have been struggling with what to tell our children about their conception. I have been thinking about it a lot, but never got around to blogging about it.
I appreciated reading this and want to read the whole chapter now. You're right-- when things have gone wrong for so long, it's hard to relax and believe things can actually go right.
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