I have been working on this post for over a week and can't seem to get through it without shedding tears, so I am just going to wrap it up as quickly as I can.
I have an IRL friend who is also infertile. She is the friend I call multiple times a week, the one who was matron of honor in my wedding. Someone I have known for 12 years and can talk to about nothing for hours. She has been married seven years. She got pregnant in July 2006 while on the pill and then miscarried the day after she found out she was pregnant. The miscarriage prompted them to start actively trying. Her cycles are incredibly long. They are nearing the two-year mark now. She has been to an RE and attempted two IUI cycles that were both cancelled because neither her lining nor follicles grew. Right now, she is waiting for her insurance to change over so that she can try injectables. Perhaps, in June.
She and I have done our best to support each other through this infertility journey. We have shared that longing for a baby, we have shared the pain of others' insensitive comments, we have prayed for each other constantly. I have done my best to say the "right" things and be a sounding board when she found out her younger sister was pregnant within two months of trying.
She and I have often discussed that one day one of us is going to have to make the hardest phone call and tell the other she was left behind. I always assumed it would be her making the call to tell me.
When I saw that positive test last week, I knew that she was the first person I had to tell (after DH). I didn't even know how to form the words. I could just imagine her pain and I know how I would feel in her shoes- left behind once again.
But I screwed up my courage and called her on my way in to work. In my usual fashion, I yabbered about nothing for a few minutes, asking her about innocuous things. Then, I said I had to tell her something important and did she remember when we had discussed about making that really hard phone call? Barely able to utter coherent words, I blubbered out, "I took a test this morning and it was positive."
Never in my life have I heard such sheer joy in someone's response. I thought she was going to hyperventilate she was crying and screaming in excitement so loudly. Of course, this just made me cry harder. She kept repeating, "This is a miracle and I am so excited." She never once clarified that she was excited for me. She was genuinely and purely happy. She took joy from this miracle and did not once even pause to feel her own pain.
She is a much better person than I.
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9 comments:
You have no idea what this post means to me. I have a similar situation but I'm the one left behind and ever since she got that BFP I have avoid her, it just pains me and I feel like crap for it. I know that she would not be doing this to me if our situation were opposite and I have made deliberate steps to make changes in my behavior. It's so stinkin' hard though! Thank you for your honesty. You have a good friend and you are a good friend for being so considerate.
That's wonderful that you have such a great friend. Your story made me cry.
It is good to have those kid of relationships! Good for her
Not to take away from your friend's positive qualities, but I think it's a lot easier to be happy for someone who has gone through the battle with you. Know what I mean? For instance, when I read your blog post, sure I was shocked first - but not a bad kind of shocked. It was more of a "Holy crap! Did I just read that right?!" kind of shocked that preceded excitement over your situation. And sure, part of the excitement is selfish in the sense that it sounds like we've been given similar odds on it occuring naturally and so it gives me hope of things working out for me, but it was all around excitement none the less.
It's similar with Tobacco Brunette. You two have been through the mill, so to speak - like me. So I guess in my mind you're more deserving than someone who just started trying and got knocked up right off the bat...
Well, either way, I'm so glad it turned out so well with your friend. I'm sure she may yet have some moments - particularly as she sees you grow bigger. Luckily she has such an understanding friend like you who will have a good understanding how to interact with her if she is having a hard time.
Congrats again! :)
Hi - it's my first time here. First congratulations on your pregnancy. I am infertility survivor and I made many friends through infertility and the joy I felt when they succeeded was true joy. I do feel it is different when it is someone who has suffered what you went through. You understand each other.
I am glad she was so happy for you - she is a great friend. Congratulations again!
Good friends are hard to come by!
I'm so glad that your conversation with your friend went well. She sounds like a great person.
As others have said, I think it feels different when someone has been "in the trenches" with you. My DH and I have been given the same natural conception odds as you and your husband, so hearing of your success was truly wonderful. :)
What a wonderful friend you have. I am certain you would have reacted exactly the same way, even if you feel you wouldn't have.
Like Alison, I'm the one who was left behind as well...unbelievably ironic how it all happened. I read this post of yours just before leaving the house to go see my friend, and I was touched and moved to tears. A few hours later, I learn that I am that friend who has just been left behind...I am praying I can be as good a friend to her as the friend you have described.
I'm brand-new to blogging (first comment!), so I haven't had a chance to also say to you...congratulations!!! I pray all goes well for you through your pregnancy!
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