negative blood results. But off the progesterone.
Looks like I wait for my period and rinse and repeat. What worries me is that the nurse informed me that if the numbers are as bad this next cycle, the RE wants to do a consult. I don't think DH is ready for what the RE is going to tell us.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
For the locals
From Midwest Resolve
COME TALK WITH LEGISLATORS...
Legislative Forum on Infertility and Insurance Coverage
Please come and lend support, listen to legislators, ask questions and
share information regarding insurance coverage and infertility.
Three separate panel discussions with legislators to talk about the issues of expanded insurance coverage for infertility will be held at:
October 10, 2007 7:00pm-8:30pm
Minnetonka Community Center
14600 Minnetonka Blvd.
Minnetonka, MN 55345
October 16th 7:00pm-8:30pm
Roseville Civic Center
2660 Civic Center Dr.
Roseville, MN 55113
October 24, 2007 7:00pm-8:30pm
Kelly Inn St. Paul
161 St. Anthony Avenue
St. Paul, MN 55103
Infertility is a medically recognized disease that affects men and women equally. It is defined as the inability to conceive or retain a pregnancy during a one-year period (6 months for a woman 35 years of age or older). According to the CDC, 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age are affected by infertility. When treated correctly, infertility has one of the highest rates of success of any disease - more than 80% of couples who complete treatment will succeed in having a biological child. Often patients select treatment based on what is covered by their insurance plan rather than what is most appropriate, forcing many people to have less effective but covered treatments such as surgeries for blocked fallopian tubes or endometriosis rather than pursuing in-vitro (IVF) fertilization, a non covered service, even though the cost is about the same and IVF is statistically more likely to result in a successful pregnancy. States with insurance coverage for infertility report a decrease in health care costs. Incidences of high order multiple births is decreased. Healthier pregnancies and babies are the result. Currently 15 states have infertility coverage as a required benefit within their policies. We would like to make Minnesota the 16th state that requires this beneficial coverage included in health care plans.
COME TALK WITH LEGISLATORS...
Legislative Forum on Infertility and Insurance Coverage
Please come and lend support, listen to legislators, ask questions and
share information regarding insurance coverage and infertility.
Three separate panel discussions with legislators to talk about the issues of expanded insurance coverage for infertility will be held at:
October 10, 2007 7:00pm-8:30pm
Minnetonka Community Center
14600 Minnetonka Blvd.
Minnetonka, MN 55345
October 16th 7:00pm-8:30pm
Roseville Civic Center
2660 Civic Center Dr.
Roseville, MN 55113
October 24, 2007 7:00pm-8:30pm
Kelly Inn St. Paul
161 St. Anthony Avenue
St. Paul, MN 55103
Infertility is a medically recognized disease that affects men and women equally. It is defined as the inability to conceive or retain a pregnancy during a one-year period (6 months for a woman 35 years of age or older). According to the CDC, 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age are affected by infertility. When treated correctly, infertility has one of the highest rates of success of any disease - more than 80% of couples who complete treatment will succeed in having a biological child. Often patients select treatment based on what is covered by their insurance plan rather than what is most appropriate, forcing many people to have less effective but covered treatments such as surgeries for blocked fallopian tubes or endometriosis rather than pursuing in-vitro (IVF) fertilization, a non covered service, even though the cost is about the same and IVF is statistically more likely to result in a successful pregnancy. States with insurance coverage for infertility report a decrease in health care costs. Incidences of high order multiple births is decreased. Healthier pregnancies and babies are the result. Currently 15 states have infertility coverage as a required benefit within their policies. We would like to make Minnesota the 16th state that requires this beneficial coverage included in health care plans.
Monday, October 8, 2007
d. None of the above
DH and I had "the conversation" again. We have got to get off the merry-go-round of talking about it, I know, because I am driving him nuts. Essentially, we discuss what I have termed "the trilemma" of where to go from here if the IUIs don't work. As DH regularly reminds me, we have three choices- remain childless; do ivf; or adopt. His preference is for adoption, but he is willing to let me decide.
Remaining childless is not an option for me, so I wish he would stop even bringing it up. I can't seem to properly explain to him how conflicted I am about the other two choices. I go over the pros and cons of both in my head constantly. The biggest benefit of ivf is the possibility of biological children. But I am having a hard time getting past the expense (especially with no guarantee of success) and some of the moral issues I have with freezing embryos. As far as adoption, the benefit is that a baby is guaranteed at the end of the process. But the process itself is so long and stressful, I am really struggling with the open adoption concept, and I am so deeply saddened at the idea of the loss of all those expectations and dreams associated with biological children.
I want another choice. But there isn't one.
Remaining childless is not an option for me, so I wish he would stop even bringing it up. I can't seem to properly explain to him how conflicted I am about the other two choices. I go over the pros and cons of both in my head constantly. The biggest benefit of ivf is the possibility of biological children. But I am having a hard time getting past the expense (especially with no guarantee of success) and some of the moral issues I have with freezing embryos. As far as adoption, the benefit is that a baby is guaranteed at the end of the process. But the process itself is so long and stressful, I am really struggling with the open adoption concept, and I am so deeply saddened at the idea of the loss of all those expectations and dreams associated with biological children.
I want another choice. But there isn't one.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Meltdown- I am just going to blame the hormones
I can be quite emotional and often temperamental, yet I am not a public crier. I have always hated that and view it as a weakness. I am a "never let them see you sweat" kind of girl. This characteristic works well in courtoom. I rarely even cry at funerals. I am the one who keeps it together and gives the eulogy and makes sure everyone knows how to get to the luncheon.
But apparently I can reach a breaking point. One that is beyond just a little tear or some sniffles, but a near-hyperventilating ugly sobbing. In fact, when I cried in this manner coming down the aisle at my wedding, there was more than an audible gasp and several long-timed friends remarked afterward that they were surprised to see me cry (and certainly in that manner), including my new husband. He assumed my parents had said something mean to me (not an unlikely possibility). Rather, when they opened the doors to that church, I wanted nothing more than to just sit down. Not because I was hesitant, but becaue I was completely and totally overwhelmed by emotion. It all just bubbled up to where I couldn't get a grasp on it and all control was lost. I cannot even put words to the emotion that I experienced other than to call it raw and fundamental. I had never before and have never since had such an experience.
Well, that ended today. I was at small women's group at church, which I try to attend on Friday mornings. I am luck enough to be able to have a flexible schedule for about half of the year where I can either take off Friday or at least the mornings. This group is usually six to eight of us and all the other women are twice my age or more. I get so much wisdom from these older women. I often feel as if they are teaching me the things my mother should have, especially about God. A few know of our infertility, but I haven't discussed it much other than some vague allusions.
Today, we were discussing being honest with God in prayer. I was actually having a fairly good "infertile" day. I wasn't feeling down or even discouraged, just wanting this cycle to get over and happy that I didn't have to race off to the RE on a Friday morning for the first time in a month. I openly volunteered that this has been a time of faith crisis for me when I often feel that God is not answering my prayers and that I could understand the despair of Jeremiah when he alternatively complains and praises God.
And then out of nowhere, I lost it. I felt completely blind-sided by this overwhelming gulf of indescribable emotion and was more or less incapable of speech. Just wrenching sobs. And I was so dreadfully embarassed. I have led this group on occasion and here I was a big mess of indecipherable bawling. I was finally able to get some control over myself. Of course, they were all so lovely about it and comforting and I had to "come clean" and explain more of where we are. Thankfully, not one of them told me even a single "fertile" platitude. No one offered advice, they just told me this was a safe place and it was ok to cry.
I don't know where this emotional tidal wave comes from. I just know I want to avoid that beach.
But apparently I can reach a breaking point. One that is beyond just a little tear or some sniffles, but a near-hyperventilating ugly sobbing. In fact, when I cried in this manner coming down the aisle at my wedding, there was more than an audible gasp and several long-timed friends remarked afterward that they were surprised to see me cry (and certainly in that manner), including my new husband. He assumed my parents had said something mean to me (not an unlikely possibility). Rather, when they opened the doors to that church, I wanted nothing more than to just sit down. Not because I was hesitant, but becaue I was completely and totally overwhelmed by emotion. It all just bubbled up to where I couldn't get a grasp on it and all control was lost. I cannot even put words to the emotion that I experienced other than to call it raw and fundamental. I had never before and have never since had such an experience.
Well, that ended today. I was at small women's group at church, which I try to attend on Friday mornings. I am luck enough to be able to have a flexible schedule for about half of the year where I can either take off Friday or at least the mornings. This group is usually six to eight of us and all the other women are twice my age or more. I get so much wisdom from these older women. I often feel as if they are teaching me the things my mother should have, especially about God. A few know of our infertility, but I haven't discussed it much other than some vague allusions.
Today, we were discussing being honest with God in prayer. I was actually having a fairly good "infertile" day. I wasn't feeling down or even discouraged, just wanting this cycle to get over and happy that I didn't have to race off to the RE on a Friday morning for the first time in a month. I openly volunteered that this has been a time of faith crisis for me when I often feel that God is not answering my prayers and that I could understand the despair of Jeremiah when he alternatively complains and praises God.
And then out of nowhere, I lost it. I felt completely blind-sided by this overwhelming gulf of indescribable emotion and was more or less incapable of speech. Just wrenching sobs. And I was so dreadfully embarassed. I have led this group on occasion and here I was a big mess of indecipherable bawling. I was finally able to get some control over myself. Of course, they were all so lovely about it and comforting and I had to "come clean" and explain more of where we are. Thankfully, not one of them told me even a single "fertile" platitude. No one offered advice, they just told me this was a safe place and it was ok to cry.
I don't know where this emotional tidal wave comes from. I just know I want to avoid that beach.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Sick of the flowers
Why do they put little purple flowers on pantiliners? If one has to wear a pantiliner, one is not likely to be in the mood to be thinking about flowers. Especially if one is wearing it because of the drippiness of progesterone suppositories.
I want my vagina back.
I want my vagina back.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Infertility's Common Thread!
Happiness Challenge- mostly a success
As I described here, the Happiness Challenge worked for most of the month- much to my surprise.
I have to admit that the final week of the month, I just couldn't get it together. I was supposed to be at the RE's four times last week although it ended up being only three due to the cancelled second insemination. I was jsut too spent to care about being happy, I wanted to just get through.
I have to admit that the final week of the month, I just couldn't get it together. I was supposed to be at the RE's four times last week although it ended up being only three due to the cancelled second insemination. I was jsut too spent to care about being happy, I wanted to just get through.
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