Whatever I wore on Tuesday must have made me look more pregnant than usual. We joined with a bunch of people from church to attend a baseball game and several people commented on when the baby was due or extended congratulations. One woman, whom I just don't like for a variety of reasons, said that she hadn't congratulated me yet. She followed that up with the statement, "I'm jealous, I wish I had a little baby." Her tone wasn't joking. She has a seven-year-old son. I have previously pieced together that she has secondary infertility. I don't know any of the circumstances or whether she sought treatment. I just know based on some comments she has made (to others) in the past few years that she would have liked another child, but it didn't happen. I honestly didn't know how to respond to this woman. But I felt bad. A lot of people at church know just how miraculous this pregnancy is, but she is not one of them. And I'd rather not clue her in. For no other reason than I just have a hard time getting on with her. I tell pretty much any other stranger in Target that this baby was against the odds. I can discuss the heart wrenching ups and downs of infertility with the 92-year-old who adopted a long, long time ago. But this woman, I just can't bring myself to engage with.
I don't equate secondary infertility with primary infertility. Both are painful. Different, but painful. I have been careful of those struggling with secondary infertility because I watched my mother try so hard for so long to have another baby and also personally understand the desire to have more than one child. I don't ask people who have one child when or if they are going to have another. I have always felt it was none of my business. I am fairly careful about talking about any baby or pregnancy-related topics with anyone whether they have children or not unless I know their comfort level. I never assume.
After having this awkward conversation (not sure that it can be called a conversation since I didn't say much), as I munched on my Cracker Jack, I started to ponder what we will do about another child. DH has always wanted three (I have informed him that ship sailed, so he had better be thinking more along the lines of two) and is insistent that we will have another child by some means. Will we try on our own (what are the odds on lightening striking twice?), will we try treatments again, do we just move to adoption? You mean, we have to get on the damned rollercoaster of craziness again?
Yes, I know I am putting the cart before the horse. And mostly, I am consumed with just getting to the point of having THIS baby in my arms. But my Cracker-Jack induced thoughts are lurking, waiting for a time to pounce.
P.S.- Anatomy ultrasound tomorrow afternoon. I haven't convinced DH to change his mind, so we will still be having a surprise. God willing, a healthy one.
4 comments:
I've started worrying about the next child too. I wonder if this will "reset" anything and maybe we'll have an easier time next time. Of course, we had a fairly easy time anyway, by internet standards, but it is still something that has been consuming my thoughts.
I was interested to read your post about this. I've also been thinking about our future plans, and unfortunately been fielding a lot of questions from friends and relatives about whether we'll be trying again and what our miracolously easy conception means in terms of future IF treatments (um, beats me). So I have no answers or advice, but I'm glad you're writing about this.
I am surprised to already be fielding questions about when we'll have another! Considering how we got our first, I will be considering the second just as much of a miracle.
Good luck at the US tomorrow! Am keeping fingers crossed for a last minute change of heart on Team Green status on the part of your hubby.
One of the things IF has taught me is to be sensitive when it comes to asking family building questions. I now wait for friends and family members to make the pregnancy announcements, rather than asking potentially painful questions. You just never know.
Good luck at the ultrasound!
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