Enormous vs. gargantuan

My wife seems to think that describing the size of her breasts is a bad thing. I can't quite figure that one out. I mean, it's basically like all the benefits of getting a $6,000 boob job without any of the cash outlay, surgery or post-operative discomfort. She's offended that I recently upgraded her size from merely "enormous" to "gargantuan." As if that's a bad thing.

I know that some of my beautiful wife's regular readers (and most if not all of her entire extended family) think I am some kind of deranged maniac for not wanting to find out the sex of our baby-to-be - whom I have tentatively named "critter." I hope it doesn't come as too much of a blow to learn that my commitment to remaining blissfully ignorant is unwavering.

I have conceded that if we ever have another critter, I will grudgingly allow us to discover that baby's sex.

Incidentally, did you know there's a social networking site for babies? When I found out I thought it was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard of. Eventually our critter is going to have the full-on accessories of being the child of a first-rate dork father but I just can't quite wrap my head around a venture capital pitch that essentially comes down to, "We're going to be the next Facebook for babies."

First, isn't that just an invitation to deranged sickos to do God knows what in front of their computers with pictures of young babies? And second, how are they going to make any money? And third, can you honestly imagine sending your mom to some Facebook like site to look at her grandchild? To be honest, I'm lucky my mom has her own email address and doesn't TYPE IN ALL CAPS like some people's parents.

Disturbing.