We went, were seen, and I feel conquered

I thought I would come out of the appointment with the RE feeling more enthused, but instead I had a bit of a meltdown. I bawled myself silly on the way home in the car. I was crying so hard, I really thought I was going to toss my cookies.

We met with the dr and the nurse. I felt like the dr was very clinical and not all that personable, but DH thought that it was appropriate b/c he cannot get invested in patients.

The dr did a vaginal u/s, which I wasn't prepared for. I had asked if there would be any physical exam (just to prepare myself mentally, and was told there wouldn't be). DH got to sit through that, lucky him. I think he got a glimmer of what women go through. And he definitely was blown away by all that I would have to do in order for them to assist us with conception caused by male infertility. Fertility drugss, injections, ultrasounds, catheters, on and on.

So, it all boiled down to we can start IUI as soon as we want and I start a new cycle. The dr doesn't think any other testing is necessary b/c I am ovulating per opk and bbt and my thyroid checked out in January. DH is going to go in for a sample sperm wash to see what sort of counts we are dealing with post-wash. For the first cycle they will put me on a highish dose of Clomid and also an injectable. As far as when we would start the IUIs, that is a matter of scheduling, with all of our upcoming trips, it's difficult to maneuver. We also will need to consult with DH's urologist aboout putting him on Clomid in an attempt to boost the count.

We can't do IVF unless I lose 50 pounds, that was such great news to hear. My weight has been a constant struggle and dealing with trying to conceive and infertility has not helped any attempt at returning to my pre-wedding weight. However, the dr doesn't recommend starting with IVF and we still aren't sold on it anyway. At best, we have a 30% chance of conception over 6 cycles with IUI. DH also wants us to start looking into adoption. As an adopted child, he is a big proponent of adoption, I am not sure I am there yet.

I am feeling rather overwhelmed right now and not particularly hopeful. I don't think the PMS helps.