Not sure why

but I keep having thoughts of adopting a little boy from Russia. I was not very enthused about international adoption, but this thought keeps creeping in to my psyche.

Walk of Hope

Although it's rare, every once and a while my husband surprises me. He saw an advertisement for the Walk of Hope to support Resolve at the RE's office. He was adamant about us participating. He can never get up in the mornings, but he was ready and willing to awaken at 6:30 so we could be at the Mall of America on time. On a Saturday.

It was announced that approximately 350 people were there to walk and almost $60,000 was raised. At one point, I looked at DH and saw a very sad face. As we walked, I asked him about it. He said, "Look at that little boy on his dad's shoulders. I want to do that." He said he hadn't realized how many people would have children. I guess, the Celebrating Families theme didn't quite permeate. But later he told me that he did have hope after seeing all of those people with children that one day we would too.

And he is still wearing his green wristband. He calls it his circle of hope.

The Gush

You know it's coming. Your body has sent out every forewarning possible- bloating, cramps, cravings, fatigue.

First it starts out as simple spotting. Then, you feel that all-too-familar trickle.

And finally, the physiological gates give way. To the fullness of the gush.



ETA= It's ok to giggle. I wrote this with a BIG wink.

Not a big tarot fan, but

with thanks to Kristen

You Are The Hanging Man

You represent the seeking of enlightenment and spiritual clarity. You tend to confuse others, but your oddities seem deeply satisfying. Self sacrifice is easy for you, especially if it makes you a better person in the end. You are the type of person who is very in touch with your soul and inner spirit. Your fortune: Right now is a good time for reflection and meditation. You should stop resisting the problems in your life, and let yourself be vulnerable to them. You may need to sacrifice something important to you to move ahead in your life. Accept your destiny with courage, and learn to let go of what you think you need.

What Tarot Card Are You?

This is a test, only a test

In an attempt to see what it will feel like not to "try," I have put away the thermometer. No temping for me. No opks either. I haven't been temping or opking through IUI cycles because the meds would have just messed with my temps and made me a wreck. But I thought I would resume temping in a "natural" cycle. But I am going to try this as an experiment.
Yes, we'll have sex and yes, I'll try to aim for more or less the right day. But if we miss it, we miss it. Trying to have sex on the right day hasn't worked for the last year and a half, so not sure why it would work this month. I know when I ovulate because of the distinct ovulation pain, so I will still chart to an extent (I do like knowing when to expect my period) and that will be that. I wonder if I can give up that the control-freak side of my nature for a month.

As expected

A negative beta. We are going to take November off to resolve the sperm white blood cell issue (hopefully) and see what the RE has to say on the 30th. At least, I don't have to worry about being hopped up on hormones during Thanksgiving.

Strangely enough, I didn't cry after they called with the result. Maybe the disappointment gets easier? For that matter, I don't even really feel disappointed. Of course, that was the result. It couldn't have been anything else.

Making A Change

In August, I met with our human resources director concerning the differences in sick leave usage policy between fathers and adoptive parents and for women who give birth to babies. Our policy currently notes that pregnant employees who give birth are allowed to use sick time for six weeks or as deemed necessary by a doctor. (This is in addition to disability time if the employee has paid into short term disability.) Conversely, fathers and those who adopt are allowed only ten days. Not only is this inequitable, I think it sets us up for a lawsuit (at least, on gender grounds).

Because of the governmental body I work for, making a change in policy requires literally legislative action and I was not feeling very hopeful that any change would be made, even though it would not cost a penny because employees would only be using sick time they actually accrue.

But today, the human respources director happened to be walking by my office and stopped in to tell me good news. The change in policy has been green-lighted by the management committe and all the way through leadership. The other legislative body has even agreed to it. So, it just has to be approved by the final _____ Commission. I really feel excited that I have made a difference, even if it's not something I ever use. It's the right thing to do.