An Amazing Friend

I have been working on this post for over a week and can't seem to get through it without shedding tears, so I am just going to wrap it up as quickly as I can.

I have an IRL friend who is also infertile. She is the friend I call multiple times a week, the one who was matron of honor in my wedding. Someone I have known for 12 years and can talk to about nothing for hours. She has been married seven years. She got pregnant in July 2006 while on the pill and then miscarried the day after she found out she was pregnant. The miscarriage prompted them to start actively trying. Her cycles are incredibly long. They are nearing the two-year mark now. She has been to an RE and attempted two IUI cycles that were both cancelled because neither her lining nor follicles grew. Right now, she is waiting for her insurance to change over so that she can try injectables. Perhaps, in June.

She and I have done our best to support each other through this infertility journey. We have shared that longing for a baby, we have shared the pain of others' insensitive comments, we have prayed for each other constantly. I have done my best to say the "right" things and be a sounding board when she found out her younger sister was pregnant within two months of trying.

She and I have often discussed that one day one of us is going to have to make the hardest phone call and tell the other she was left behind. I always assumed it would be her making the call to tell me.

When I saw that positive test last week, I knew that she was the first person I had to tell (after DH). I didn't even know how to form the words. I could just imagine her pain and I know how I would feel in her shoes- left behind once again.

But I screwed up my courage and called her on my way in to work. In my usual fashion, I yabbered about nothing for a few minutes, asking her about innocuous things. Then, I said I had to tell her something important and did she remember when we had discussed about making that really hard phone call? Barely able to utter coherent words, I blubbered out, "I took a test this morning and it was positive."

Never in my life have I heard such sheer joy in someone's response. I thought she was going to hyperventilate she was crying and screaming in excitement so loudly. Of course, this just made me cry harder. She kept repeating, "This is a miracle and I am so excited." She never once clarified that she was excited for me. She was genuinely and purely happy. She took joy from this miracle and did not once even pause to feel her own pain.

She is a much better person than I.

The difference in the fertile world

I met with the OB nurse treatment center this morning. It was basically just to give me a packet of info and for me to fill out forms, ask questions, pee in a cup. She tried to explain to me all about the various testing and the need for genetic testing and counseling. Yeah, been there done that one, have the cf gene, got the letter from the genetic counselor, don't need to go again.

But the thing that struck me as funny is when she asked whether I had had an ultrasound yet. I haven't yet, so I honestly answered no. She said that because of my infertility history, they would have me come in much sooner because it would be less anxiety-producing for me- how was May 12? May 12!!That is more than a month away! Can you imagine the RE's office saying, "yeah, come back in a month?"

The assumption is that all is hunky-dory must be a lovely fertile fantasy.

Apparently still pregnant

Second beta today was 1039, so doubling time of less than 48 hours.

ETA (because Kristen asked)- I have an u/s appointment at the RE's for next Thursday the 17th and I have an OB appointment this Thursday the 10th, which just consists of meeting with a nurse and giving history and getting a packet kind of thing. [Yes, I am double-tracking and not telling one about the other.]

Powerball

DH has taken to referring to the baby as Powerball since our odds were in the range of winning the lottery.

I am still pretty much a mess of emotions and having a hard time processing.

Results

Beta was 222! And progesterone is 26. As the nurse put it, "I am most definitely pregnant."

Miracles

The cynic in me has to admit that miracles happen. Because with less than a 1% chance of conceiving without medical assistance, I got a positive pee stick this morning.

I have been frustrated with the timing of my period since I wanted to go in by Friday for this updated CD 3 bloodwork this new cycle and maybe schedule a sono/trial transfer. So I would stop obsessing about where was my period and letting that half-percent of hope sneak in, I took a test.

It was positive. All four of them.

I am still shaking. I can't believe this is happening to me. Things like this don't happen to me.

I called the RE's office and will be going in for a beta later today and on Monday.

A bit of good news

Because DH works for a large corporation that includes a pharmacy, we get to use the employee discount of 10% at the pharmacy as well. I just had a lovely discussion this morning with the local pharmacist (who also confided that her sister had gone through ivf last year) and they can get all of my ivf meds and I can still get the 10% discount. And if we have the bonus 10% coupon (available after 10 pharmacy purchases), we could get up to 20%. When we are talking thousands of dollars worth for injectables, that is a lot of money! Finally, a little bit of silver lining.

If I get my period today or tomorrow, I will be going in for my updated CD 3 blood work on Friday. And I may be scheduling my sono/trial transfer for next Friday. The work baby shower has been rescheduled til then and I am hoping that I have a reason to be out of the office.