Monday, November 5, 2007
National Infertility Awareness Week
Yesterday was the start of National Infertility Awareness Week. I want to challenge you to take one action to promote infertility awareness. That could be having a discussion with a stranger or shop til you drop to support Resolve. Resolve has a great list of NIAW week activities here. And blog about what action you took. I will have a post about what I did later this week.
Saturday, November 3, 2007
Worker Bees
I was watching CSI and about peed my pants laughing when Grisham explains that the worker bees are infertile females. Even in nature do the infertiles have to do all the work.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Smashing Pumpkins
It is the day after Halloween, after all. Perfect for some smashing of the pumpkins.
Think this was written by an infertile? Rage, a rat in a cage, what do I get for my pain, faking it, what is lost can never be saved? Definitely an infertile.
Think this was written by an infertile? Rage, a rat in a cage, what do I get for my pain, faking it, what is lost can never be saved? Definitely an infertile.
The world is a vampire, sent to drain
Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames
And what do I get, for my pain?
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game
Even though I know - I suppose I'll show
All my cool and cold - like old job
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Now I'm naked, nothing but an animal
But can you fake it, for just one more show?
And what do you want?
I want to change
And what have you got, when you feel the same?
Even though I know - I suppose I'll show
All my cool and cold - like old job
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Tell me I'm the only one
Tell me there's no other one
Jesus was the only son, yeah.
Tell me I'm the chosen one
Jesus was the only son for you
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
And someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage am I still just a rat in a-
Despite all my rage am I still just a rat in a-
Despite all my rage am I still just a rat in a cage
Tell me I'm the only one
Tell me there's no other one
Jesus was the only son for you
And I still believe that I cannot be saved
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Trick or Treat!
Happy Halloween!
I am trying my damnedest to make this a fun day and banish infertility from any conversation I have with DH. Candy should assist in that task. Last night was a rough one at Casa de las Shoes. I truly think this progesterone is a big culprit. It seems that I weep about anything on these things.
Yesterday, I spoke with the patient coordinator at the National Embryo Donation Center in Tennessee. It was rather enlightening. She said that about half of the couples choose an "open adoption" where the embryo donors get to see the profiles and give a yea or nay and the other half is completely anonymous where the embryo recipient just sees a profile of the recipients. The fastest she has seen someone go from application to transfer is six months, but the average is 10-12 months. Also, I re-read the embryo adoption info from Bethany and it seems as if they may have a local program coming soon, a decision will be made in about three months. The prospect of doing this locally makes me much more willing to consider that option.
And DH talked to the urologist yesterday afternoon. Dr. M thinks it might not be white blood cells in the semen after all. According to Dr. M, microscopically white blood cells and immature sperm cells can look very similar. The only way to really tell the difference is by doing a specific test that also involves staining, which isn't something they normally do. Dr. M explained it as the the Clomid's way of cheating- it tricks the body into making more hormones and more sperm, but they don't fully develop. Back to andrology for poor DH.
I am trying my damnedest to make this a fun day and banish infertility from any conversation I have with DH. Candy should assist in that task. Last night was a rough one at Casa de las Shoes. I truly think this progesterone is a big culprit. It seems that I weep about anything on these things.
Yesterday, I spoke with the patient coordinator at the National Embryo Donation Center in Tennessee. It was rather enlightening. She said that about half of the couples choose an "open adoption" where the embryo donors get to see the profiles and give a yea or nay and the other half is completely anonymous where the embryo recipient just sees a profile of the recipients. The fastest she has seen someone go from application to transfer is six months, but the average is 10-12 months. Also, I re-read the embryo adoption info from Bethany and it seems as if they may have a local program coming soon, a decision will be made in about three months. The prospect of doing this locally makes me much more willing to consider that option.
And DH talked to the urologist yesterday afternoon. Dr. M thinks it might not be white blood cells in the semen after all. According to Dr. M, microscopically white blood cells and immature sperm cells can look very similar. The only way to really tell the difference is by doing a specific test that also involves staining, which isn't something they normally do. Dr. M explained it as the the Clomid's way of cheating- it tricks the body into making more hormones and more sperm, but they don't fully develop. Back to andrology for poor DH.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Happiness Sold Separately: Barren Bitches Book Brigade
I had sort of a love-hate response to Happiness Sold Separately. I loved how real the emotions of the main character Elinor were, but I have to admit I hated the feeling that the author exploited infertility as a plot device. I resented that she seemed to use the cliches of infertility leading to infidelity, getting pregnant after failed treatments by not trying, and that the infertile couple is older. I wish there were more books or at least more attention given to the infertiles who are in their 20's, of whom there are many.
Anyhow, on to the questions.
Elinor's thought on page 47 really struck me: "When Elinor was paying attention to her career, she should have been paying attention to her biological clock. When she was paying attention to her biological clock, she should have been paying attention to her husband." It made me wonder: Am I paying attention now to the things I should be paying attention to now? Are you?
Now this one hits me where it hurts. I often worry about the time I am "wasting" with all of this struggle to have a baby. I know that I think about it way too often and it has paralyzed my ability to look beyond the here and now. I've already missed a good friend's wedding, passed up another friend's birthday party, we're not going to my family's for the holidays, so many moments I am giving up. I know there are certain friends I have "written off" because they are not the most sensitive to infertility. I am holding in the job that I have now for fear of losing insurance coverage and leave time. And I worry that these months (and soon years) will be a black hole of memories for me and DH.
Elinor takes up laundry and Ted works on the hutch. What new hobbies did you pick up or abandon during treatments?
I love to read. But for about the last six months, I have found myself having a lot of difficulty getting through a book. I am tired so much of the time (whether from the meds or the getting up early to go appts or just plain old sick and tired) that I read barely a page or two before falling dead asleep. One thing I have taken on as a project is making our Christmas cards. I'm not particularly crafty, although I aspire to be. Not sure what I will do when the holidays are over. The thing that usually makes me happy is baking, but with my desire to lose weight, I have to avoid too much of that.
Elinor finally finds out there's a reason for her pregnancy problems, "a balanced translocation," and finds "there's solace in learning that something is tangibly wrong." How does (or would) a definitive, action-able diagnosis affect your ability to adjust or come to terms with your infertility? How would it affect your emotional response? Would it provide some closure? Alternatively, if you're in the unexplained category how does that ambiguity affect your decision-making and desire to keep trying?
We had a confirmed diagnosis with less than a year of trying. I just knew in my heart of hearts that something was wrong and my doctor was willing to start testing after only nine months of trying. As terrible as it was to find out, it was so affirming to know I wasn't crazy and that something WAS wrong. I think I would go over the edge if we were "unexplained."
Elinor participates in a book club meeting following her miscarriage and finds that "no one gets her"...and thinks "why should they? She's a barren, bitter, self-pitying grouch. She hates this book club. She smiles and loosens the grip on the stem of her wineglass, afraid she might snap it in half." Do you find yourself having similar experiences? Would the infertility struggle be easier for you if you felt that people "got you" or not? Please elaborate.
I could really relate to this experience. Just last week, at my book club, we were discussing the (truly terrible) book Eat, Pray, Love. The author of that book leaves her huband because she realizes that she doesn't want to be married and doesn't want to have a baby (I am simplifying this a bit). In our discussion, I said I couldn't relate at all to the author and my fellow book club members derided my inability to empathize with a women who (unknown to them) was rejecting everything that I am killing myself to get. And I do wish that others "got me" when it comes to infertility. Often, I feel that not even DH understands how I am feeling about this. And if he doesn't get it, then how can I possibly expect my parents or his parents or any of my friends to really understand? One of my friends keeps telling me to lean on my friends, that is what they are there for. But I don't want to "lean" for fear that they will say the "wrong" thing and leave me unbalanced.
Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/. You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood.
Anyhow, on to the questions.
Elinor's thought on page 47 really struck me: "When Elinor was paying attention to her career, she should have been paying attention to her biological clock. When she was paying attention to her biological clock, she should have been paying attention to her husband." It made me wonder: Am I paying attention now to the things I should be paying attention to now? Are you?
Now this one hits me where it hurts. I often worry about the time I am "wasting" with all of this struggle to have a baby. I know that I think about it way too often and it has paralyzed my ability to look beyond the here and now. I've already missed a good friend's wedding, passed up another friend's birthday party, we're not going to my family's for the holidays, so many moments I am giving up. I know there are certain friends I have "written off" because they are not the most sensitive to infertility. I am holding in the job that I have now for fear of losing insurance coverage and leave time. And I worry that these months (and soon years) will be a black hole of memories for me and DH.
Elinor takes up laundry and Ted works on the hutch. What new hobbies did you pick up or abandon during treatments?
I love to read. But for about the last six months, I have found myself having a lot of difficulty getting through a book. I am tired so much of the time (whether from the meds or the getting up early to go appts or just plain old sick and tired) that I read barely a page or two before falling dead asleep. One thing I have taken on as a project is making our Christmas cards. I'm not particularly crafty, although I aspire to be. Not sure what I will do when the holidays are over. The thing that usually makes me happy is baking, but with my desire to lose weight, I have to avoid too much of that.
Elinor finally finds out there's a reason for her pregnancy problems, "a balanced translocation," and finds "there's solace in learning that something is tangibly wrong." How does (or would) a definitive, action-able diagnosis affect your ability to adjust or come to terms with your infertility? How would it affect your emotional response? Would it provide some closure? Alternatively, if you're in the unexplained category how does that ambiguity affect your decision-making and desire to keep trying?
We had a confirmed diagnosis with less than a year of trying. I just knew in my heart of hearts that something was wrong and my doctor was willing to start testing after only nine months of trying. As terrible as it was to find out, it was so affirming to know I wasn't crazy and that something WAS wrong. I think I would go over the edge if we were "unexplained."
Elinor participates in a book club meeting following her miscarriage and finds that "no one gets her"...and thinks "why should they? She's a barren, bitter, self-pitying grouch. She hates this book club. She smiles and loosens the grip on the stem of her wineglass, afraid she might snap it in half." Do you find yourself having similar experiences? Would the infertility struggle be easier for you if you felt that people "got you" or not? Please elaborate.
I could really relate to this experience. Just last week, at my book club, we were discussing the (truly terrible) book Eat, Pray, Love. The author of that book leaves her huband because she realizes that she doesn't want to be married and doesn't want to have a baby (I am simplifying this a bit). In our discussion, I said I couldn't relate at all to the author and my fellow book club members derided my inability to empathize with a women who (unknown to them) was rejecting everything that I am killing myself to get. And I do wish that others "got me" when it comes to infertility. Often, I feel that not even DH understands how I am feeling about this. And if he doesn't get it, then how can I possibly expect my parents or his parents or any of my friends to really understand? One of my friends keeps telling me to lean on my friends, that is what they are there for. But I don't want to "lean" for fear that they will say the "wrong" thing and leave me unbalanced.
Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/. You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood.
Another for the locals
DH actually really wants to do this after seeing a flyer at the RE's. Even though it means getting up at nine o'clock in the morning on a Saturday. It's a half-mile walk in the Mall of America on Saturday, November 10, benefitting Midwest Resolve. So, if you're in the area or just want to donate to support the walk, you can sign up here.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
It Takes More than One
I appreciate the support, but do realize that it does take more than one sperm to get the job done (unless one is doing ICSI).
Why? "The egg is usually covered by a thick layer of cells called the cumulus oophoricus that serve as a blockade to restrict sperm from getting into the egg. It may actually require an assault of many sperm to break down the cumulus sufficiently to let one sperm get through to the egg."
Why? "The egg is usually covered by a thick layer of cells called the cumulus oophoricus that serve as a blockade to restrict sperm from getting into the egg. It may actually require an assault of many sperm to break down the cumulus sufficiently to let one sperm get through to the egg."
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