Every infertile's worst nightmare- the deluge of Christmas cards of precocious children or "perfect" families. But what to do when you're on the other side?
Last year, our Christmas card was essentially a birth announcement and I figured it wasn't as bad as some, but this year I have really been pondering "the card." The photo cards I picked are just of the little man (absolutely no need to plaster my ugly mug on something sent around the country) and our Christmas letter is pretty much all baby-focused (I didn't do much all else this year). My Christmas list contains a few real-life infertiles- two of whom have resolved their infertility this year- one by adopting and the other by becoming pregnant. But what to do about the others, send a generic, non-photo card? No letter and write a hand-written note?
And my thoughts in this area got me thinking even more. Not just about how glowing toddler news might affect my infertile friends still in the trenches. But what about the family from church whose seven-year-old nephew died last month? Or the elderly woman whose two-year-old great-grandson was just diagnosed with a brain tumor?
Infertility changed me. I can not just blithely bombard the world with my joy like the fertile world.
3 comments:
To start off, I think it's very nice that you think about this. Not everyone does (as we well know).
I can tell you that I much prefer a family photo if a photo card is what is being sent.
It may sound horrible but the photo cards I get that are just of someone's baby or kid make me want to throw them directly in the trash (which I have actually done). I at least will typically throw them away after the holiday.
BUT if I get a picture that actually includes my friend and her/his spouse with the kids, I will keep that.
My general feeling is "I am friends with YOU, not your kid(s)."
If that sounds really harsh, I don't mean it to. That's just my 2 cents...
I am in favor of sending non-babyfied cards to your IF friends and sending the regular babyfiedness to the rest of the folks. I *know* this was done for me last year by a few girls. And I minded not. In fact, I loved it. LOVED IT.
I agree with Me about adjusing and sending a non-babyfied version to those that would be appropriate. I don't *think* anyone extended that courtesy to me, but I would have appreciated it, especially the year that Gummy Bear died. I didn't open any Christmas cards that year after a few too many tears from opening the cheery Christmas greetings from so many with kiddos friends. I would never go so far as to throw them away (a la Gumby), I figure if someone is friends with ME, they would also treasure my children, no matter WHAT their own situation is.
But you are so sweet and considerate to think this much into it. This shows the GOOD way that fertility challenges changed you! :)
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