(if anyone is even still reading here, that is)
Do you see it? That little "i" that must be tattooed on my forehead, the one that whispers "infertile." I think it's usually hidden. It's easy to hide behind the mommyspeak regarding bottles, diapers, daycare, feeding schedules, and how my ten-month-old (yes, time is flying) is now taking steps. But I know it's there. I can feel it burn ever so slightly when I see the vast numbers of other mothers at daycare sporting a very pregnant belly. It itched when I learned that I had been lapped again by a coworker and her sister (a most fertile family, apparently). And it started to flash when of the other mothers in our mom's group started talking about when we all were going for number two. That little infertile label raises its head and whispers in my ear, "They don't know, they don't get it, not everyone can just plan a baby- a first or a second. Why can't it be like kindergarten again where everyone gets firsts before seconds can be passed out? Why can't they just be happy with what they have?"
But did you know?- it's not just a "tattoo", it's also a magnet. I don't know if it's attracting me to them or them to me. But it seems that either infertiles are finding me or I am finding them. Given how open I now am about infertility in general and ours in particular (I talk about it with any random Target employee, grocery store clerk, people standing in lines, etc.), it seems that the infertile find me. I must have met half of the patients from the REs in the Twin Cities.
This magnetism came to the forefront last week when picking my son up from daycare. A mother of one of the other little boys (who is actually younger than mine) announced to the teachers (and me, I guess, since I was in the room) that she was unexpectedly 10 weeks pregnant. One of the teachers began the squealing that comes with such announcements- when are you due? how are you feeling? yack, yack. The other turned silently to me and asked if we were planning another. I looked her straight in the eye and said, "I don't feel that's something in my control." I answered her quizzical look by explaining, "It took us nearly two years to conceive Zachary and that was unlikely at best. I also had a difficult pregnancy and delivery, so a second child is not something I can really plan." Words just poured out of this woman so fast about how she has been trying for so long and just started seeing an RE and how she didn't know even one person who had any trouble.
I said to her that this must be a very difficult job for her. She brightened and replied that "No one else has recognized that. But sometimes it is very hard and others it is a blessing to get to cuddle some babies." We chatted about different treatments and I left her with the instruction to please feel free to ask me any questions that she had or if she just needed to tell someone.
The little "i" must have been glowing.
And I
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
10 comments:
Yes. I feel it too.. even pregnant. It colors everything. It's not that it colors everything negatively. It's just that it's there. And it changes things.
Wonderful story about the other woman. I'm so glad she found someone.
xo
You know, that is half the reason why I've stayed out of the mommy groups.
It's so nice that you talked to her.
I'm glad she found you. We're so out of the closet, I joke that we're not even in the house anymore. And sometimes you can just see the relief when someone hears us. "US TOO." and instantly, we're bonded.
Yep, I feel it, too. And yes, I still read.
Of course we're still here. Silly.
Even though I'm a "success story," I think I've got the mark, too.
I'm glad you were there for that woman. I work with children (also) and am infertile and childless. Most people don't "get it". And yes, sometimes it is quite difficult to work with children and not have any. Other times, it is a good thing. I wish there were more people like you in my life!
I thought about this when I read about some women on sites trying to time their pregnancy to have a baby in a certain month. I'm like, I'll take anything, who cares what month!!
My sister feels your pain - I have two children while she has pcos and a very difficult road ahead of her to trying to get pregnant (4 years of trying now).
Its not always an easy road so congratulations on #1!!
I am sure you cherish every second.
A great description; the little "i".
You and I were following the same infertility storyline for quite some time and I appreciated so much knowing there was someone out there who knew exactly what I was feeling and going though. Thank you.
I have a 19 month old son now and am forever having to deflect the "when is the second coming?" question.
It's so nice to know that there are others who take care not to (unintentionally) stomp on tender spots when it comes to fertility or lack thereof.
I know your post is over a year old, but I wanted to say, fertility issues or not, friends and family always enjoy celebrating a loved one's child. For those without issues like ours it's fun to read and see a child's wonder in new experiences. For those of us with issues, it gives us hope.
Thank you again for your unknowing support. I appreciated it.
Post a Comment