Navigating the Land of IF

I am finally coming back out of the woodwork, just in time to join in on the discussion of the book written by our very own Stirrup Queen Mel:Navigating the Land of IF.

I must admit I read the book while holding my napping son. I am sure that colors my perspective of the book and I may have had a different take on things if I were still in the trenches, waiting for my baby. I was so excited when the book arrived in the mail from Amazon. One of our own, making good! I don't know what kind of royalties Melissa brings in on each book, but even if it is only pennies, I am so glad that mine could go her way for all that she has done for this community.

Now, on to the questions:

Did you read the whole book, or skip the parts that you feel don’t apply to your situation? For example, if you are not entertaining adoption or living child-free as options right now, did you skip those parts? If you read them, did you discover anything about those options that you hadn’t understood prior to reading the book?

I can proudly say I did read the whole thing. Given that we considered many different options (including adoption and being on the verge of ivf) and are potentially not done with our family-building, I wanted to learn it all. Plus, I am one of those type-As that has difficulty not reading from back to front. I had thorouhgly researched adoption, so can't say that those sections were much of a revelation, but the child-free section did give me a new perspective on that life. it's not a choice I think I was ever willing to make, so Melissa's description of how one gets to that point intrigued me and provided me more understanding.


What part of the Land of IF are you currently residing in, & do you think Melissa paints an accurate picture of the situation there?

I was fortunate enough to get a pass off the island and have my beautiful son, but infertility is still part of my identity. In fact, now that I have the benefit of being a mother, it's a lot easier to "come clean" about our infertility. In fact, I tell every one I get the chance to that this baby wasn't an easy "oops" and that I know just how lucky I am to be in this position. It still stings when people mention how much easier having another will be (as if that is a foregone conclusion). Although my ship has sailed from the land of IF, my heart remains with those still trapped there because I will never forget the pain and the hurt that each day brought when all I wanted was a baby and that likelihood got farther and farther away. I think about those with empty arms every night. And when I pray with my son each night, we mention those who long to be mommies and those children who long to have a family.


Navigating the Land of If covered many different aspects of infertility. What topic do you wish had been added or expanded on?

Although there were different aspects of the emotional part of the journey scattered throughout the book, I wish there had been one consolidated section to discuss the different cycle of feeling (sort of like the cycle of grief) and why it's ok to feel that way. Also, I wish there had been a more thorough discussion of being an infertile based upon a partner's diagnosis and specifically the stigma attached to male infertility.



If you are a reader of Melissa's blog, did you find the book to be a same or different style and why?

There were parts of the book that were classic Stirrup Queen- like the "note" she gives the reader to take with her on those days when a friend is needed. I do believe Melissa would hold each struggling IFer's hand if she only could. But there were other areas of the book that felt as if they were more the result of editing and didn't "sound" like Mel. And although I liked many of the "navigational tips," the flow of text being broken up was often distracting to me.


Kudos to Melissa for all of her hard work on this book and I can only hope she might end up on a book tour here in the Twin Cities, so I could congratulate her in person!


Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list here. You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: Moose by Stephanie Klein.