A woman at church (whom I have seen a handful of times and whose name I don't know but is an apparent mother of two) approached me yesterday and asked if I was expecting. When I answered in the affirmative, she began the barrage of when was I due, boy or girl, names, was I going to work, where was I going to deliver, one and on with the litany. All this from someone whose name I do not know. Who seemed like she was ready to be my best friend. I felt the ringing in my head and what DH likes to term the neverending bitterness rise up. I resent that just because there is now a baby on the way that somehow I am now "part of the club."
I realize that everyone gets excited about babies. And it doesn't bother me when someone I actually know asks me baby questions. But where the heck was this woman when I felt like I was the only one at church without a baby? Why am I suddenly part of the "mommy club?"
As DH pointed out when I told him about my experience, Yes, I AM STILL bitter.
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13 comments:
I totally understand and relate to this. I am treated so much differently now that I am pregnant and doing what society believes is the "right" thing.
It makes me mad and sad at the same time. I think that people who don't have children (and aren't going to have children) actually make some people uncomfortable. And they feel so releived when we finally "see the light".
Ugh!
Blech. I agree, what makes people think that they are suddenly entitled to ask about our private lives?
I have to agree with Jen. Why are people suddenly entitled to question about one's personal life.
I am not pregnant, but I have seen many of my friends go through similar things. I love buying cute t-shirts for them, I usually buy from cafepress.com. My favorite:
Yes. I'm Pregnant.
We aren't finding out the baby's gender.
I'm Due in December.
No, you can't touch my belly!
I hadn't thought of that aspect of pregnancy. As much as I want to be pregnant, I don't want to be a part of the Johnny-come-lately club. Ugh.
O but now you're soooo much more worthy of her friendship! ;)
I agree that it sounds very annoying.
If you WANT to try to think of her charitably, you could tell yourself that she is probably a socially awkward person who just didn't know what to say to you otherwise. But pregnancy gave her an excuse to approach you and start chatting. Maybe.
I think your feelings are appropriate and you have every right to feel that way. I know I would.
I have actually even seen comments on non-IF blogs that say, "Welcome to the club!"
ooooh it makes me burn. I can't imagine ever have those scars heal completely.
Its really hard to get past moments like that. Its been 2 1/2 years since I had my post SIF baby and there are still things that make me upset. {{{Hugs}}}
Sorry for the insensitive fertile, it would be nice if we could set up a force field for idiotic comments. Here from LFCA, thanks for your brutal honesty.
And I always got all kinds of excited too when the cool girls would let me sit at their table with them at lunchtime too . . .
I grit my teeth, smile like a Barbie doll and just keep chanting in my head "they mean well; they mean well . . ."
The thing is - I never really felt like a member. Thirteen pgs, six kids later - nope, not really fitting in there.
And yeah, I hear ya on the "where were they when?" When I was radioactive? oozing disgusting fluids? Covered with the mange? I wasn't contagious - just brokenhearted.
I don't think you are bitter so much as just feeling let down.
I said the very same thing to Sarge this week about a woman who congratulated me at church about Sam. I felt resentful that she should have the right to act happy for me. Where was she when I was on the floor three months ago, drowning in depression? What right does she have to participate in my happiness now when she didn't walk the long road to get here with me?
I'm always commenting to my husband how I/we just don't fit in at church. It's the one place where we should be accepted for who we are, right? Yet we don't fit in with the newlyweds (we're too old), and those our age have kids coming out the kazoo. So, three years later, we know like 5 people. I often wonder if the day I walk in with a baby/adopted child, etc., my social circle will explode exponentially.
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