I was out of town for my little sister's college graduation, so have been a bit missing in action. I told the rest of the relatives about the pregnancy status. The weirdest responses have included:
from my grandmother: "I am so proud of you"- as if pregnancy is an achievement for a resume?
from my aunt: "Where did it happen?" hello, not discussing my sex life, or as the case may have been, my medical procedures
from my 18-year-old clueless cousin: "How can you be pregnant?" Honey, didn't they teach you that one in sex ed?
All of the family is deeply disappointed that we are not finding out the baby's sex (because DH is stubbornly refusing to know and I am reluctantly acquiescing). I am 15 weeks today and still trying to wrap my mind around it all.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
The Waiting Room
I had my OB appointment this morning. Down three pounds, which I got a look about. (whatever, my gall bladder had to have weighed something- it was full of stones). Overall, the appointment was just routine, but I did get to actually hear (rather than see) the baby's heartbeat, so that was reassuring.
But what got to me was the waiting room. I picked up part of the newspaper to read while I waited instead of the myriad of pregnancy magazines. Two women walked in together a few minutes later and sat near me. One of them remarked, "All they have is pregnancy magazines." I heard the pang in her voice and felt the visceral wrench in my stomach. I grabbed a Wine Spectator magazine that I had noticed sitting under the newspaper and offered it to her, commenting that I didn't want to read pregnancy magazines either. She smiled (that weary smile, you know the one) and thanked me. I only wish I could have offered her some other sort of comfort.
But what got to me was the waiting room. I picked up part of the newspaper to read while I waited instead of the myriad of pregnancy magazines. Two women walked in together a few minutes later and sat near me. One of them remarked, "All they have is pregnancy magazines." I heard the pang in her voice and felt the visceral wrench in my stomach. I grabbed a Wine Spectator magazine that I had noticed sitting under the newspaper and offered it to her, commenting that I didn't want to read pregnancy magazines either. She smiled (that weary smile, you know the one) and thanked me. I only wish I could have offered her some other sort of comfort.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Hospital happenings
So, this post is a while in coming, but I haven't had the patience to sit down and type whilst recovering. Since I am now back at work, my patience level (or my need for distraction) has increased.
As I sat on a gurney in pre-op well before seven in the morning, wearing an inflatable purple hospital gown and chatted with DH, I saw a short man pass outside my "room" a few times. He looked familiar but I couldn't place him, likely because I don't see too well when wearing my glasses. Finally, he poked his head around the curtain and we determined it was Dr. M, DH's urologist! He asked why I was there, etc. Then, I told DH that he should tell Dr. M our news. DH responded, "He doesn't know?" Somehow, in his ignorance, DH must think that my pregnancy is being talked about in doctors' lounges all over the Twin Cities. Of course, Dr. M was very happy for us, but was ever so slightly smug at the idea that it really is just a matter of time as long as there is some sperm. Ah, the ever hopeful urologist.
All of my nursing staff was excellent, but the nurse that came on at midnight was an IF sister. My surgeon and I had discussed having someone come in to monitor the baby after the surgery, just for my peace of mind. I knew that it was kind of iffy that a doppler would work at just over 10 weeks. But there was no way I was leaving that hospital without some sort of reassurance the baby was ok. I didn't want to have to go into bitch mode and get "insistent," but I was prepared to do what I had to do. The first thing I told my day nurse when I arrived on the post-surgical ward (just done the hall from the birth center, conveniently) was that I expected to have someone try a doppler. She tried to explain that it wasn't ordered in the computer. Between groans of pain, I made it clear, it had better get ordered. By the time the afternoon shift came on at 4:00, apparently a notation had been made and the nurse called over to L&D and was told they were really busy and full of babies, but would send someone over at some point during the night. No one seemed nearly as concerned as I was that the time kept slipping away.
At midnight, Nurse B came on the scene and came in introduce herself, check my vitals, and all that jazz. Although half asleep, I mentioned that I was still waiting for L&D to come. She asked me if this was my first pregnancy and I told her yes and that it was quite a while in coming. She high-five me and asked, "IVF?" I said, "No, we're actually one of those cliches that happened the month prior to starting the birth control pills." Then, she told me that she had done ivf three times before having her twins. She told me she understood how I felt and was off to call L& D right then because "they shouldn't have that much to do at this time of night." Not sure what she told them, but someone arrived within thirty minutes.
Nurse B made sure to poke her head in after the L&D nurse finally left and make sure I was ok with the results. I couldn't thank her enough. She chatted with me a bit about our infertility diagnosis and the clinic I had been to and told me that the anxiety never really went away for her entire pregnancy. Then, she left me to sleep. I feel like I got my very own IF angel who was watching out for me.
As I sat on a gurney in pre-op well before seven in the morning, wearing an inflatable purple hospital gown and chatted with DH, I saw a short man pass outside my "room" a few times. He looked familiar but I couldn't place him, likely because I don't see too well when wearing my glasses. Finally, he poked his head around the curtain and we determined it was Dr. M, DH's urologist! He asked why I was there, etc. Then, I told DH that he should tell Dr. M our news. DH responded, "He doesn't know?" Somehow, in his ignorance, DH must think that my pregnancy is being talked about in doctors' lounges all over the Twin Cities. Of course, Dr. M was very happy for us, but was ever so slightly smug at the idea that it really is just a matter of time as long as there is some sperm. Ah, the ever hopeful urologist.
All of my nursing staff was excellent, but the nurse that came on at midnight was an IF sister. My surgeon and I had discussed having someone come in to monitor the baby after the surgery, just for my peace of mind. I knew that it was kind of iffy that a doppler would work at just over 10 weeks. But there was no way I was leaving that hospital without some sort of reassurance the baby was ok. I didn't want to have to go into bitch mode and get "insistent," but I was prepared to do what I had to do. The first thing I told my day nurse when I arrived on the post-surgical ward (just done the hall from the birth center, conveniently) was that I expected to have someone try a doppler. She tried to explain that it wasn't ordered in the computer. Between groans of pain, I made it clear, it had better get ordered. By the time the afternoon shift came on at 4:00, apparently a notation had been made and the nurse called over to L&D and was told they were really busy and full of babies, but would send someone over at some point during the night. No one seemed nearly as concerned as I was that the time kept slipping away.
At midnight, Nurse B came on the scene and came in introduce herself, check my vitals, and all that jazz. Although half asleep, I mentioned that I was still waiting for L&D to come. She asked me if this was my first pregnancy and I told her yes and that it was quite a while in coming. She high-five me and asked, "IVF?" I said, "No, we're actually one of those cliches that happened the month prior to starting the birth control pills." Then, she told me that she had done ivf three times before having her twins. She told me she understood how I felt and was off to call L& D right then because "they shouldn't have that much to do at this time of night." Not sure what she told them, but someone arrived within thirty minutes.
Nurse B made sure to poke her head in after the L&D nurse finally left and make sure I was ok with the results. I couldn't thank her enough. She chatted with me a bit about our infertility diagnosis and the clinic I had been to and told me that the anxiety never really went away for her entire pregnancy. Then, she left me to sleep. I feel like I got my very own IF angel who was watching out for me.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
It Brought Tears to My Eyes
Not the heartbeat pumping away nicely at 162. Not the perfectly normal NT scan measure. Not the bouncing baby that wouldn't stay still enough to get measured. Not even the little wave he or she threw out to us.
What brought tears to my eyes today was my mother-in-law's offer to buy me maternity clothes. I was giving her the update on my appointment this morning when she said she knew I would need some maternity clothes at some point and she wanted to get me some because she never got to have that experience herself.
I am so blessed.
What brought tears to my eyes today was my mother-in-law's offer to buy me maternity clothes. I was giving her the update on my appointment this morning when she said she knew I would need some maternity clothes at some point and she wanted to get me some because she never got to have that experience herself.
I am so blessed.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Back home
I am home as of yeterday. Still hurting more than I thought I would be. I guess I didn't think much abt that part. At 1:00 am aturday morning, they sent someone over with the crummiest doppler ever, but were finally able to register movement and h/b for the baby- 154. I had the most wonderful nursing staff, esp my night nurse who had been thru ivf three time before having her twins. I will have a post about her in the future. In the mean time, thank you all for your thoughts and prayers for me and baby.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
A perfect day
Yesterday, I left the office early and met my husband for lunch. And not just an ordinary lunch. I picked up some food and met him downtown where the orchestra was giving a free outdoor concert. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, the sun was shining brightly, and a breeze reminded us that it's not quite summer yet. But sitting in the sun was warm enough for my floral skirt and the music was lovely, especially the piece from Carmen. And for that brief blip of time, all was right with the world. The music provided an aura of swelling beauty, complemented by the warming sun, as I held hands with the person I love most in the world and felt secure (for once) about this little being that God has granted us. I was happy to my core and so very grateful.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I will always have this one perfect day.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I will always have this one perfect day.
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